Can we guess what The Repair Shop's Mark Stuckey is referring to when he comes out with the following remark on tonight's show?

"We have a major catastrophe here!" he announces, somewhat alarmingly.

Good Lord, we're thinking. Is the barn on fire? Has its roof caved in? No, it's worse. Mark is calling this a "major" catastrophe, remember. Not "a bit of a nuisance".

OK, how about another clue?

"Literally, we've had a barbecue!" he's telling us next.

Hmm, well, that narrows it down a bit. If they've "literally" had a barbecue, that can only mean one thing. It can only mean they've had a barbecue. I'm not sure why he considers that a "major catastrophe" but maybe the drumsticks weren't cooked.

Oh, but hang on, I think we may have been barking up the wrong tree here. Specifically, what's happened, Mark now explains, is "the combined transformer and motor have completely failed."

So he must be referring to the old reel-to-reel tape recorder on the worktop in front of him. Yes, that'll be the "major catastrophe" he's encountered. Now that he's taken off its casing and exposed its inner workings, he's discovered that they very much aren't. Working, that is.

This is a worry, because the chap who's brought it in would love to have it working again. It has a very special tape on it, he's explained - a recording of his dad, who used to sing in his local clubs in the 70s. To hear that again after all these years would be amazing.

"So why haven't you just played the tape on a different machine?" Mark surprisingly doesn't ask him.

Anyway, now that Mark's seen the state of that motor, what's the prognosis?

"It's all charred and beyond repair," he announces.

Sorry, it's what? "Beyond repair"?

Well, that's no good, is it? This isn't The Beyond-Repair Shop.

Mind you, it's a fine idea for a spin-off - a low-budget version where they employ no experts, just a grumpy bloke who stands at the counter, takes one look at whatever you've brought in and goes: "Naah, may as well bin that, pal."

Yes, I can see that being quite a hit.

Oh, and before you ask, Mark does indeed manage to repair the unrepairable tape recorder.

The man works miracles, remember. Literally.

The Repair Shop is playing at 8pm tonight on BBC 1.

Yes, it's another edition of the show in which we meet people who didn't actually buy anything at auction with Sarah Beeny, despite what the title suggests, but bought it on their own and are now telling her all about it when she comes to meet them later. This week's purchases include what locals apparently refer to as "Norfolk's Creepiest House" (which sounds like the title of a property show on Paramount+ and I suspect may well become one). Will buyers Luke and Sarah do it up or knock it down?

Watch this documentary, and you'll never look at an octopus in the same light again. And you'll certainly never order one in a restaurant. For his research into octopus behaviour, Prof. David Scheel brings one home to live with him and his daughter, and soon becomes amazed at how smart this creature is, thanks to the fact that it has nine brains (the main one, plus a mini-brain in each arm). She even watches TV with them. Mind you, she doesn't seem quite smart enough to grab the remote and switch channels when a show is blatantly rubbish, which you'd have thought she'd be quite adept at.